What the fuck is it? Let’s fucking pester Fruitloop week? For fuck’s sake, if you’re not my FRIEND, don’t ask me to do something for you whenever it suits you. Just LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.

FRIEND: noun

1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard
2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter
3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostileACQUAINTANCE: noun

1. a person known to one, but usually not a close friend.

An acquaintance is someone recognized by sight or someone known, though not intimately: a casual acquaintance. A friend is a person with whom one is on intimate terms and for whom one feels a warm affection.

See the fucking difference? OK. Let’s move on.

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Technorati Tags: asshole, Assholes, bullshit, fuck, greed, hate, hypocrisy, jesus, kids, misanthropy, rant, sheeple, what the fuck

I think I’m a very nice fucking person and a fucking great friend. And I know just enough about computers and graphic design to get myself into trouble. And not be able to get out of it. Just ask Nutcase. I’m always asking for help to bail me out of techy geek shit that is way over my head. He loves the attention and it makes him feel needed, so it’s all good.

Years ago, I had this supposed friend, Kitty. We were friends for a few years. She would invite me over about once a week and she’d make us lunch, then I’d work on her computer and do any graphic stuff she needed. Neither of us had 2 nickels to rub together, and I felt we had a pretty balanced relationship. If she needed help, I was there. And she fed me in return. (She is a great cook, I’ll give her that)

Hey, pay attention here! I’m telling a fucking story! Read the rest of this entry »

Technorati Tags: asshole, bullshit, fuck, hate, lint licker, rant, rodents, what the fuck

I’m sitting upstairs minding my own damned business. My man Wingnut is downstairs doing whatever manly things he does down there all alone (No, I really don’t need to know). He sends me a picture, and I’ll be damned, that guy loves me. I had to share it with you as it gave me the warm fuzzies. Don’t get weepy or anything, you pussy: Read the rest of this entry »

Technorati Tags: Apocalypse, love, zombie

Hearken back to last month… I told you my white trash neighbors, Dolly and Stan, were pregnant. Well, I can’t wait another second, I have to tell you the NEWS!

She had a miscarriage!

Don’t get all weepy. And no, I didn’t have anything to do with it. Read the rest of this entry »

Technorati Tags: apathy, asshole, Assholes, bullshit, cumbode, fuck, hate, Idiots, ignorance, ignorant, kids, misanthropy, morons, offense, rant, religion, religious, religious nitwits, sheeple, stupid

How does a religion come into being? Well, in this day and age, maybe by instant message between two friends, late at night, while surfing the internet for interesting stuff…

Here’s the recipe for Hess and Fruity’s Religion:

serves: Humanity

2: godless heathens

1: internets (can substitute 1 intertoobs, 1 webbernets or 1 ripe interwebs)

1: news article detailing wacky fundamentalist training camp

Chat and let simmer for 3-4 hours (cooking times vary in high altitudes)

Let cool then cut into squares.

Here is an excerpt: Read the rest of this entry »

Technorati Tags: atheism, atheist, eats, fun, humor, irony, jesus, musings, religion

Yeah, I’ve been on them, what the fuck of it?

Actually, I’ve met some cool people on them, one of which was about a 6 month relationship. And we’re still friends, so shut the fuck up.

They say, if you want to meet like minded people, try meeting them where you spend most of your time. Well, as a web developer, designer, and all around geek, I spend a stupid amount of my time at the computer. And since I don’t have a fucking line of chicks at my desk, I think the best way to meet people who are at least minimally literate is to meet the on the internet.

It also acts as a nice filter. If you meet someone in a bar, and they turn out to be fucking crazy, you are potentially stuck. If you meet them online, and spend a fair amount of time getting to know them thru IM and email, you can weed out the crazies much easier.  All in all, it’s not the “loser” way to meet people like a lot of folks think of it.

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Technorati Tags: Assholes, email, fuck, hypocrisy, IM, morons, work

Yeah, I stole it from another website, fuck you.