Ok, I have some really weird dreams. Well, thanks to Lintville, I have a place to share them. Because they’re too fucking weird to keep to myself.

Ok, so here you go, Bizarre Dream #1:

First I’m in this place and situation where I’m working with some kind of police team to catch pedophiles that are after young girls. I have to dress in pigtails to lure the creeps into bed or some such weirdness. That part was really dark and creepy and kind of frightening for some reason. Since it was the first part, it’s kind of vague. Just deal with it.

Then there is a seamless transition, that only happens in dreams or movies, to phase 2:

I am in this place which seems like an underground tunnel of some sort. There are all these rooms, big rooms on the left. Huge cavernous rooms. It’s my first day. I’m going to be a prostitute. It’s all kind of chaotic in this place, so I can’t really figure out who my boss/pimp is. Everyone that works there is very nice. I am trying to find the one woman that I think can answer my questions. I finally find her, and ask her a question. She kind of answers it. I get ready to ask my important question, which is when do I get medical benefits and health insurance, when this other new whore asks something inane. The boss lady answers the inane question then rushes off. Well, Fuck! I really needed to know about health care, goddamnit! That stupid whore!

Alrighty then, so I’m sitting in one of the big, cavernous rooms, which is set up like a stage. I’m with some guys who have headphones on, who work there as well. So I guess they are running things. It’s my first day, so I really have no idea what everyone is doing. The show starts and after a bit the nice guy that was sitting next to me gets up and goes into the aisle next to me. A bunch of screaming, waving people suddenly fill the aisle and he starts grabbing whores and pairing them with the people. I shrink in my seat, for fuck’s sake it’s my first day! Did I even go through orientation yet? I’m not ready for this! Nice man reaches out for me and pairs me with this guy. Oh fucking damn, well alrighty then. I guess I have to go, but I’m still really concerned about when my health benefits are going to kick in!

We get to this huge room, which is really quite nicely decked out. He doesn’t have a name, so we’ll call him John for simplicity’s sake. He’s a decent enough looking fellow, slim, not too tall, brown hair, seems rather nice and sweet. Whew, did I luck out, huh? I mean my first john seems like a nice guy. So now I have to ask him a question, give him a choice. I ask him how long he has. He tells me he has 24 hours. (oh, shit, we have to fuck for 24 hours, I think!) Then I have to ask him this, “Um, ok, so here are your choices. We can jump into bed right now, or you can let me go shave first, while you get comfortable and pick out some music or something.” He laughs and decides to go for option 2. Smart man!

So I go into the bathroom which is very nice, rather spacious, with a clawfoot tub. The medicine cabinet reveals all kinds of stuff: razors (yay!) and various and a sundry other things that have been left behind or stocked there. Nothing exciting. But all the razors are single blade. I settle on one and find some soap to use since there’s no shaving cream. I start in on my right leg, which has a nice forest of bristly hair. Jeez, when was the last time I shaved? Months ago? The little single blade razor struggles under the workload I’m giving it. It gets about half the hair. Come on, I think, John isn’t going to wait forever! While I’m busy trying every angle to get my legs smooth, and failing miserably, I’m listening to the music that John has chosen and kind of trying to follow his activity from whatever I can hear.

He’s running around, seemingly enjoying the place. Some guy who works there walks in at one point and they are talking. John is complaining because he wanted a hot dog (WTF?) but he can’t get it. I guess he has to pay extra for that. Meanwhile I’m still trying to make progress on my right leg. Fuck, this razor sucks. I finally give up and go to the left leg. I’m trying to hurry and shave off at least most of the hair without cutting myself.  Another guy walks in… they just walk in whenever they like? What if we had been fucking? That would really put a damper on the mood, don’t you think? … and he talks to John as well.

Ok, I finally give up. Somehow the razor has gotten rid of all the really stubbly hairs and has left all the really fine hairs on my legs, so it’s better but not great. I ask John if he wants me to keep trying till I achieve perfection with the razor or if he doesn’t really care at this point.  He says it’s fine so we go in the bedroom. The bed is huge, a king size, with tons of blankets and looks really awesome. The sheet and blankets are pulled back and he motions to me to jump in.

I get in bed, John joins me, and get a pamphlet that was there when I laid down. Apparently it is a list of all the services this place offers. I’m really kind of nervous because I’ve never been a prostitute before and I didn’t get to go through orientation. What if he wants something I can’t do or I’m no good at? We lay there for a bit, kind of just settling in. A guy walks in the room again and I guess we talk to him. Then a dog starts barking. Lots of barking. Fuck, that’s MY damned dog. Sigh… I’m awake now.