Ok, so it’s almost December. I’m in a veritable quandary this year regarding the holidays. We just got back from Super Wallyworld $200 lighter and not much to show for it. We only bought one gift. The rest of that loot went to groceries. Nothing exciting. Not one fucking exciting thing in the whole damned cart. Anyway, back to my veritable quandary… what do I do for gifts and all the rest of the nonsense? Money’s tight in Lintville this happy fucking holiday season, and oh, yeah, in case you haven’t been following along like good little readers, I’m a 7th degree black belt atheist. So Jesus is not the reason for my season.

Do I proclaim right after the christmas blessing that I’m an atheist and I think that everyone who bowed their head in prayer is weak-minded and foolish for believing in fairy tales? Or do I get gifts for everyone out of social obligation? Do I put up a tree? I may be a full-on atheist, but I’m not a complete bitch. I understand that fear and indoctrination are powerful things, as is tradition. Many people feel they need a god in their lives. Or they are too afraid of some type of afterlife to really question their beliefs. And people need and crave tradition, family and ritual. We’ve been doing stuff like that in cultures around the planet for ages.

I think it’s kind of ironic that people these days will get together with others that they can’t stand all in the name of “tradition” and “family”. I myself am guilty of it. I put up with people I can’t stand for the holidays. Why do I do it? Because it keeps the peace. And I get good food and gifts out of it, opportunist that I am. Oh, and I do like most of the people we have in our family. There are just a couple of bad apples that really ruin everything.

I just found out today, in fact, while cruising down the cereal aisle, that Wingnut’s parents want to come to our house for xmas day. Well, isn’t that just fucking wonderful? Now I have to play hostess and cook a big dinner for these people? His folks are alright, don’t get me wrong. But my-mother-in-law is not the sharpest stick in the tiger trap. She’s immensely boring. And Wingnut, while he gets along alright with his folks… well, suffice it to say he’s got issues with them. (just you wait till I start talking about MY mother! HA!)

I’m not the hostess type. I hate it with a passion. I personally hate people inviting themselves to my home too. How fucking rude is that? We’re coming over. Or worse, we’re coming to visit, to stay in your home, eat your food and take up all your time, for as long as we like. Aren’t you excited? NO. I’m not excited. Not one fucking bit. Go stay in a hotel and take us out to eat while you are here. That’s all I can stand of you, freeloader. What the fuck ever!

Back to the veritable quandary I’m in. Suggestions welcome. We already got a few gifts (Wingnut’s idea, not mine) so I guess we’re in it now. I guess we have to go for it; buy gifts we can’t really afford, that won’t be appreciated, for people who never even really talk to us except the holidays. We might as well put up a fucking tree too, huh? I think I’ll even start singing christmas carols and wishing people a happy holidays too. Bah fucking humbug.