It may surprise you to know that I care about the environment. I enjoy reading stories about someone thinking ‘outside the box’ of corporate greed and oil-whore government to find new ways to do ordinary things that actually help the planet. And if they break a stick off in the ass of Big Oil, all the better, tell me where to sign up.

Anyway, there I was, innocently traipsing around the ‘net, minding my own business, when I found this ridiculous news story from New Zealand. I thought this kind of idiotic, pussified extremism only came from the People’s Republik of Kalifornia.

Look, I love animals, but JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ON A NEON POP-TART!!!! Worms barely have a nervous system! They couldn’t generate a sentient thought any better than a revival preacher, which is what they get demoted to in the next life if they’re not “good” worms in this one!!! Worms act solely on instinct and perform three things for their entire lives: Eat, shit, propagate the species, that’s fucking IT!! If they could drive a pickup & shop at WalMart  they’d be white trash!! For an elected official to propose such ignorant shit should be more than enough proof that they are unfit for public office and should be dragging a damp mop through a McDonald’s somewhere. Someone should point out that instead of a daily struggle to stay alive, the worms used would live better than third-generation Welfare recipients and contribute more to society as well. I would certainly enjoy taking a shit even more if I knew that I was making some lowly critter happy.

Seriously, what would you do to live a life of luxury? You can eat your favorite foods any time, take your pick of willing members of the opposite sex (or not, some worms are hermaphrodites), shit in your neighbor’s yard without fear of reprisal, work as much or as little as you want, set your own schedule for everything…that sounds pretty fucking awesome to me. In fact, I’d like to run over and take a giant shit in my neighbor’s yard right now but my tracks in the snow would give me away.

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