A Little Soul Searching
February 22nd, 2008 by fruitloop(Sorry for butting in on your post, but I just wanted to let everyone reading this know that the site is now for sale.. Please see my post on the front page about this… Toodles, your pal, Nutcase)
So I was listening to my favorite talk radio show the other day. Some guy had called in and one of the hosts told him he really needed to do some soul searching. I thought, hey, what a great idea. That sounds like a great thing to do. But I’m a very busy woman. I don’t have time to sit on a mountain top until I’m properly enlightened. I don’t have time to find a guru and learn all of his wisdom over many years. I want something, well, something more modern, something that would fit my lifestyle a bit better. I want something that’s all about ME and the way I live. So I thought, hey, Google is all about searching for stuff, right? Why not Google my soul searching experience? Wow, I’m Fucking Brilliant!
I will document my soul searching experience as I go through it:
First I’ll try the obvious: SOUL SEARCHING - Oh fuck. This is not going well. 2,480,000 results. The first one that isn’t a paid ad is trying to tell me how to fit god into my world. Ok. That’s definitely an unproductive start for a 7th degree black belt atheist. Then a couple listings on Amazon. No, I don’t want to fucking BUY anything. I want my soul searching to be free, dammit! Oh fucking criminy. Then some poetry. Yeah, I’m so sure THAT doesn’t suck completely! Next is something about the 12 step program. Oh fuck me! This is really sucking! Let’s try another term, shall we? Fuck. I can’t take any more of that shit.
How about FINDING YOURSELF. Google was kind enough to suggest this term at the bottom of the previous search page. Oh, helpful already! How to find yourself - wikiHow! Oh, fucking LAME. Never mind. Here’s one: Create a text file on your computer called knowthyself.txt. Oh fucking christ in a cream filled donut. That’s just fucking dreadful. Fuck. this is getting me nowhere. There are a fuck of a lot of losers out there who are trying to find themselves apparently. 3,940,000 results for this one. I think we need to change tactics. Wait! I just paged down to the 10th entry on this page: On finding yourself by Socrates (he was a very smart fucker): “To find yourself, think for yourself.”
Ok, what the fuck? I mean, yeah, that’s deep I guess, and amazingly simple at the same time. Thanks, Socrates. But I already DO think for myself. Oh wait! How fucking COOL! I think for myself. Therefore according to Socrates, I found myself already! Wow, that was quick! I guess I’m done. And it only took 2 searches. Google fucking rocks. Even Enlightenment comes easy with a great search engine.
Now go find yourself, do some soul searching on Google or your favorite search engine, and thank me for saving you years of therapy and countless dollars. There you go, another selfless gift from Fruitloop to you.
Idiot
Nutcase, you don’t have a soul, so this post doesn’t apply to you. Not to mention that you don’t have the capacity to think for yourself, so you can’t very well ever hope to find enlightenment.
Go jerk off into your uncle’s favorite sock. That’s the best that you can hope for in your miserable existence.
Maybe I’ll just come over and jerk off all over your face instead..
That’d be way more fun for both of us.. Whooot! freak.
Now now, Nutcase. You are personally invited to come visit. I’ll even bake you fresh cookies. I even invite you to whip out your tiny pink lipstick. Go right ahead. I’ll then happily pull it out by the roots and embed it in your face with my .357. Now THAT sounds like fun, doesn’t it?
So when can we expect you? You fucking pud licker.
Uhhh.. yeah, sure.. Let’s do that.
On my way!