I Support Manufacturers of Magnetic Cause Ribbons
April 20th, 2008 by Fucktard(Sorry for butting in on your post, but I just wanted to let everyone reading this know that the site is now for sale.. Please see my post on the front page about this… Toodles, your pal, Nutcase)
Ok, so this will be my first post but it’s been a long time coming I suppose. I work four states away from where I live so I do A LOT of driving… it’s approximately 870 miles from my front door to my “office”. I do this sometimes twice a month. I notice things like the fact that the further south you get in Florida, the lower the sheeple driving prowess. And it’s not a small amount; it’s exponential with every small town or city, which pretty much starts around Ocala. By the time you get to Miami you simply just want to massacre other drivers with something painful and simple… like a 1967 Badillac with the pointy chrome plated solid steel child-killing headlight assemblies. Or maybe that’s just me, who the fuck knows, that’s not what this is about.
This is about the correlation between certain stickers, emblems or magnets and the type of vehicles that tend indicate completely whore-ndous drivers. These are as follows…
1- Fucking “cause” ribbons. These ALWAYS indicate there is a severely shitty driver in front of you. The more on a vehicle, the more whore-ndous of a retard driver they are. These are very dangerous and they tend to drive under the speed limit all of the time.
2- Christian radio station stickers. I would say Christian ANYTHING on the back of a vehicle but the hell-bent-for-Jesus (and your cash) radio station stickers ALWAYS indicate a dangerous retard behind the wheel.
3- Stuffed animals in the window. Bad drivers, yes, but this lot also scares very easily. Har!
4- Hunting or fishing stickers. Need I explain? I suppose I can just go ahead and throw Nascar shit in with this one too. Same lot of retards.
Now the vehicles that those above mentioned retard indicators like to cohabitate with…
1- Of course fucking minivans! Add one or more magnetic cause ribbons and you have someone that should NEVER drive anything over 49cc’s. And now they have LCD monitors littering the interior, how fucking nice for the kiddies. I hope no one tells them their parents drive like complete shit.
2- Yes, you’ve got it… pickup trucks. Add some redneck propaganda and these motherfuckers NEVER get out of the passing lane; yes my little car is much faster than your giant penis extension. Just shoot these people; they serve no purpose other than causing a regression of education and culture in this country. But they did bring us the wonderful “Truck Nuts”… how very un-heterosexual of them.
3- 1980s & 90s American mid-size beater sedans… usually with some form of tape holding something on and lots of cracked glass, missing lights and mirrors. Oh yeah! Just because you listen to Jesus radio (I’m sure if Jesus were alive, he would despise that fucking awful music) does not give you the right to drive like a selfish asshole.
Please don’t misunderstand me, I’m not making fun of everyone that drives the vehicles mentioned, just the ones that are adorned with the trendy cause and advertising stickers and magnets. Take a look next time you’re driving, you’ll see, you’ll notice. There are also a whole different lot of car and decal types (like the “Ricers”) but the few mentioned above are definitely the worst in my many travels and journeys. All of these bad driver things can be almost eradicated if they would have a very large driving etiquette section of written tests (and make already licensed drivers retake them). What does blood alcohol content really have to do with driving? FUCKING NOTHING! LEARN HOW TO DRIVE YOU BUNCH OF FUCKING DOUCHEBAGS!!!!!!!! There are others on the road that are much better drivers than you, deal with it, let us by and quit your fucking egotistical crying and no one will get pissed or hurt.
I love my sweet baby, and the way he hates “douchebags who can’t drive,” whilst remaining completely oblivious to the fact that his doting girlfriend (yours truly) can often can be mistaken for one of said annoyingly awful drivers…
Someday, I’m gonna make my baby a magnetic car ribbon, with pictures of little magnetic ribbons all over it. I support ribbons too, my love. I support ribbons, too.
THANK YOU! THANK YOU ! And praise be to TIMITS (The Imaginary Man In The Sky)!!
Great first post Fucktard! I concur 1000% !!!
I have played out many similar ANL rants in my head while driving, but when I get home in front of my computer, I realize that to go down that road so to speak would only incite massive frustration that I can do without.
I get so MASSIVELY agitated by dumb, slow, idiot drivers that I have to use every fiber of self restraint to keep from ramming the fuck-stains out of my way!!
I try to reign in my temper when I have passengers, but as Basketcase has witnessed, I am only marginally successful with that endeavor.
On the other hand, I feel tremendous satisfaction when I am able to execute a bold, offensive maneuver and manage to put some slack jawed, nose picking, dolt behind me and watch them vanish in my rear view mirror!
- Someone is on their cel phone and refuses to turn right on red… go around them to the left, laying on the horn as I go around. This accomplishes dual goals 1) alerts them to my maneuver so they don’t suddenly decide to finally go after sitting for an eternity; and 2) alerts them to the fact that they are an idiot and that they could have gone 8 times already!
- Two cars riding side by side on the interstate 10 below the posted speed limit?…. Go around on the breakdown lane, thus showering both offenders with clouds of dust, rocks and hunks of retread!
OH how I would love to have a digital sign board for my rear window so I could communicate just how I feel to the dolts I leave in my dust! Even better, a reverse scrolling one for my windshield so I can communicate with the fuckers in their mirror. Of course, they probably can’t read !!
Dirty Smoker:
Oh yes, I love it when douchebags “drive in formation”, if you’re driving that slow in the passing lane I suppose you absolutely HAVE to have a “wingman”. It is however quite satisfying to weave through a clusterfuck of retards on the interstate to hit open road… hopefully I’ve made someone spill hot coffee on their nuts as I blaze by in my Shelby GT downshifing to 3rd and standing on the gas only to drown out any phone conversations with that wonderful tuned V8 exhaust “fuck you”.
Miss Peach, you’re not a douchebag who can’t drive, you’re a little sweetie who can’t drive. Big difference! You’ll find that he’ll forgive you for your little faults anyway, because Fucktard gets to, uh.. well, you know what he gets to do! HA! That makes for lots more tolerance!
DS: yes, I agree. Fucking cumbode drivers are fucking horrible and should be killed mercilessly. Did you know you can get such a thing as a placard that communicates your deepest feelings to other drivers? I had a flipchart kind of one for Wingnut ages ago. But I do believe they make digital ones now.
He gets to touch her special parts? Is that what you’re trying to say? Or as I’d put it, he’s fuckin her, so he is going to automatically think she’s great?
Hmmm.. I don’t care who I’m throwin the bone to, if the bitch can’t drive, I’m sayin so.
So Nutcase….
Is that why your girlfriend just got a boob job ???
To keep your eyes off her driving misdeeds ?
I guess if anything will distract a man’s urge to complain about a woman’s driving.. A couple of large fleshy globes swinging with the curves should do the trick!!
Yeah, that’s why she did it..
Now, would you please get your’s a sammich?
Nutcase; Are you debasing Miss Peach to project your own vehicular inadequacies? In her defense she is a city gal accustomed to mass transit, she has essentially been thrown to the wolves. Having to drive for her is a necessity rather than a recreation. So I cut her some slack. Besides, having not driven for several years at all, she does better than half of the drivers on the road who drive everyday. Cause I’m just sayin’… you know?
Relax, Fucktard, and don’t take it personally that Nutcase is a complete douche-nozzle. He debases everyone, so unpuff your feathers and put your hackles down.
Miss Peach won’t have to drive for much longer, so it’s all good in da hood, yo.
No… no.. Fucktard, I’d never debase the lovely Miss Peach, it was you I was aiming my gun of sarcasm at.
Get a fucking clue, will you?
Yer pal always..
nutcase
No ruffled feathers here, just doing my share to keep ratings up…
If you really want to experience the very worst drivers on the road get on a motorcycle.
I swear on my balls that shitty drivers would disappear in less than 6 months if you pry cops’ fat asses out of their giant sedans and Suck-Yoo-Vees and make them write tickets from a motorcycle.