Every fucking sheeple in this fucking neighborhood sucks ass. They’re all complete morons. How the fuck did Wingnut and I end up stuck in this white trash part of town? When we moved in everyone around us was elderly and pleasant. Unfortunately old age caught up with most of them.

The MaGregors next door have the same 2 fights almost every day, sometimes several times a day in between beer runs.

The Fuckers on the other side keep popping out kids and have them running all over the place. But worse than their mullet headed minions are the fucking barking rats they have. Those little stupid dogs bark incessantly over everything and nothing. If I didn’t have a soft spot in my cold little heart I’d feed them rat poison and stop that infernal noise.

Then the other neighbors across from us, well, they hold a special place in my heart. They are my source of entertainment instead of watching Jerry Springer. We’ll call them Stan and Dolly Jay.

Where do I begin with this saga? Well, we’ve been casually friendly with the Jays for a few months, just trying to be neighborly since we loathe the rest of the sheeple surrounding us. We thought with these two idiots, we’d try something new. I think I’ll just list some facts:

• Stan and Dolly married as soon as she graduated high school when they were 17 and 18. How sweet.
• Stan read online that drinking Mountain Dew is a good method of birth control. So that’s all they’ve used, not really caring or thinking about the consequences, or verifying if the information was accurate, which I did in about 2 minutes. When I told them it’s a myth, they didn’t seem to care.
• Dolly found out a few weeks ago that she is now pregnant.
• Stan has reacted by getting into fights with Dolly every other day. (He is nice on odd days, for some reason).
• Yesterday was the most dramatic, because he punched the wrong part of the wall and hit the chimney and broke his hand. Dolly’s mother took pity on Stan and took him to the emergency room. Now he is out of work.
• Stan also reacted to the news of pending fatherhood by getting a new tattoo (with money that was supposed to go for food for his pregnant wife).
• Stan actually makes decent money but they refuse to use a bank or a checking account. They just cash their check at Wal-Mart and spend it until it’s gone, not minding if they don’t pay all their bills on time. I haven’t been able to figure out their fear of banks yet. I’m sure it’s a government conspiracy of some sort.

Luckily we can’t hear them fighting. Then again, it would be like a full surround sound cacophony of white trash yelling with the three houses full of bitter angry losers. You can’t really choose your neighbors.

This leads me to my call for the Selective Euthanization Service to get going. We really need some mercy killings, and fast.